So there is this super annoying and disempowering thing that a lot of us women do. Can you guess what it is? I’ll give you a second. Did you guess it? If not, here it is…talk shit about ourselves and make self-deprecating comments.
I get it…we all have those days were we feel ugly, fat, and not “our best”, but I’m here to tell you the world and people everywhere don’t want to hear about it. I know this is blunt, but it’s the truth.
We’ve all been around a woman or been that woman who always talks about how fat, ugly, unattractive, out of shape, soft, weak, uncoordinated she is. Not only is hearing this heart breaking, I hate to hear women talk negatively about themselves, but it’s also super draining. The negativity sucks the life out of you.
Our first reaction as fellow women is to comfort and prop the other woman up as she beats herself up in front of us, but then we leave the conversation and feel just frustrated, angry, annoyed and drained. It’s tiring being around someone who is always complaining.
Now it’s one thing to be in a funk for a day or so and vent to a friend, spouse, coach or loved one. We all need that. But it’s a complete different thing to complain about yourself and your life in every interaction you have with another human being. While people in your life love you and want to be there for you, they also get sick and tired of hearing you bitch about yourself non-stop. The thing is they want you to see the good and beauty they see in you and they want you to be happy, but if they can’t get through to you, they just plain get sick of hearing it.
I’ve posted about this before ladies, there is much more to us than our bodies. Our worth IS NOT tied up in how we look, how much we weigh or how we dress. We need to stop letting others, media and our appearance dictate our value.
If we aren’t feeling good about ourselves and we need to get it off our chests and then move on that is 150% normal, but if every day we find ourselves in conversations with other women complaining about ourselves we need to seek out professional support. A bad day or moment can be moved past and we go back to knowing we are worthy, loved and deserving of good things, but if we can’t move past our negative thoughts about ourselves it’s time to figure some stuff out.
No amount to self-defeating talk, working out, dieting, or complaining will “fix” how you feel about yourself. You need to do some serious inside work. You need figure out WHY you feel the need to cut yourself down constantly and WHY you don’t see your worth.
When I was in life coach training we did an exercise where we had to turn our daily complaints into gratitudes and it’s amazing to see how this simple exercise can shift your mindset. So if you bitch that your thighs are too fat, flip it to a gratitude…how about “I am grateful to have legs that allow me to exercise and walk”. Or let’s say you are complaining about how you aren’t coordinated enough to do something…how about “I am grateful to have the opportunity to challenge myself to learn something new and uncomfortable”. There is gratitude everywhere; you just need to look for it. If you keep yourself focused on the negative you will get more of it. If you start focusing on the positive you will see the world and yourself through different eyes.
Now I know this stuff isn’t easy, but it works. And if you can’t seem to shake this negative habit, seek out the support of a professional therapist. Having been one and gone to one, I can tell you it can be a huge help in moving forward.
So when you are feeling down or just need to vent, make the time to reach out to a friend or family member who can listen and support you, but don’t make bitching about yourself your form of communicating in the world. Honestly, no one is paying attention to how big your arms are, or how you can’t do something perfectly, people just want to know who you are on the inside. We don’t want to boost your ego, make you feel better or tell you how all the things you are saying about yourself aren’t true…like I said it’s tiring. We just want to get to know you, hear your thoughts, and have fun with you.
Stop picking yourself apart and start seeing the bigger picture of who you are. Stop filling your world with negative self-talk and start seeing your world and yourself through the eyes of the people that love you. You are beautiful, you are capable, and you are worthy…it’s up to you to decide to see it!
Jessica Storch, MA is a boxing coach, personal trainer, health coach and owner of Knockout Women's Boxing Club in Westmont, IL. Her mission is to empower women to be their best through the sport of boxing. She promotes a health focused mentality and encourages women to let go of the diet mentality. Jessica believes weight loss doesn't equal health and works with women to support them in building healthy lifestyles and happy lives.